Little bit of everything

Today I am not in a bad mood whatsoever. I feel optimistic yet I have the urge to vocalize or vent some things solely for the purpose of letting it out, letting it go, so that I can fully enjoy the remainder of this day.

In the past few days it seems like the same scenario keeps happening. I will go to use, eat or drink something and discover that we are out of it. Most times I will not know this until I open said item and find it empty. So the last person to finish said item off just leaves it there. Doesn’t tell me, leave a note, or even leave the empty container on the counter so that I know we are out. Or better yet, when said item is low, communicate it to me. I am not a mind reader and I can’t keep track of everything. I dislike running out of something that I count on. It must be OCD

I don’t drink soda very often. Even when I do, I almost never finish what I poured. When I do decide to treat myself to some, the cap is almost always barely on and the soda is flat. I find that inconsiderate and something that lacks basic common sense. I guess I don’t have the patience for people who lack common sense. Like closing the door to the bathroom (fine) but leaving the light on? How many times I stood waiting to use it only to find that nobody was in there the whole time! Can’t even to begin to list the reasons why I so desperately want (and always wanted) to live somewhere that had more than one bathroom. I go out of my mind when I get stuck on these thoughts and I can’t help it OCD again

Yes the theme here is OCD. I have it. I wish I didn’t because there is always some struggle I have to face because of it. Thank goodness I don’t have a severe form of this disorder but to me, it feels pretty severe. But I try very hard to keep it under control. I know I can be difficult at times and I am truly sorry for it, but it’s also not something I will take blame for anymore because I cannot help it. It’s part of me and should not be taken personally I truly have nothing but loving intentions regardless of how I may come across That’s the God’s honest truth my friends.

A little while ago I had to put things away above my reach and I thought of something that I find cute yet sad. The other day I needed to reach something beyond my reach and I said to my 13 yr old daughter “Monkey, I need you for a sec”. And she obliged and retrieved the item for me and then said “I wish you wouldn’t call me that”. Not too long ago she was on a big “monkey” kick. Monkey everything. She even told people she was a monkey. Now she doesn’t want any part of it. She is growing up I love it and hate it all at the same time.

I just had a birthday this month can you tell?

On to healthwise.

Last week I was able to get a long overdue appointment with my Dermatologist. Follow-up/yearly check for past Melanomas. I got the all clear. Yay!!!

On April 13th I am having both a resting and exercise Echocardiogram. April 19th I am having both my PET scan and CT scans done. April 21 will be an EKG and visit to the Cardiologist and on May 5th is the visit to my Oncologist. I will post updates and any info as I get it.

On the book front, haven’t made too much progress, or as much as I wished. I do my best work late night into the wee hours of the morning when the world is quiet and I can be in my own head. I can’t achieve this and function to drive a school bus at 6:45 AM. Not safe for the children. But school vacation is coming up in a few weeks! I am rearing to go

Tonight I have a date with my honey. We are meeting his daughter and friend in town and then taking in a Celtic’s game. I can’t wait

Have a wonderful day (everyday) !

Love and light,

Wendy

Busy at work

So here I sit confined to my bed while hooked up to my Lymphedema pump. I am trying to keep up with doing this but it is very difficult to sit still for 3 hrs a day! Of course typing with one hand is a challenge:-)

I thought I would touch on a few subjects. I have so many doctors that I am due or overdue to see for either exams or tests that just thinking about it makes my head spin. All I want to do is focus on writing my book. But I know that I must not lose focus on my health because what good will I be to everyone if I don't take care of me? So I booked my CT and PET scans for 4/19. I am very happy that they were able to schedule them on the same day. It will obviously be a long day but I will bring the laptop and use my time wisely! Tomorrow I will call my Dermatologist for a follow-up appointment. This is one appointment that I am long overdue on. How lucky would be if I could get this for the same day too!

The progress on my book is going well. I have just begun working on my book proposal. Very exciting!! While I am very eager to get it done, I am not going to rush it. For those who may not know, a book proposal is extremely important and will be the key in getting my voice heard. If only I could escape all alone for a week, somewhere right on the water where I would have no distractions. I would have this completed! When I write I have to be alone in my thoughts. For some reason I can focus much more clearly near the water. Someday, someway, I will have a little place of my own on the water. It may be years but at that point maybe I will have switched to writing novels. We shall see!

Love and light,

Wendy

Yearning, Calling, Summoning?

My dilemma is and has been that I just have so much to say that I don't know where to begin. I keep finding new pieces that all make sense and I know they are extremely relevant to my quest but I have some difficulty with patience! I am so happy for what's to come even though I myself don't know what it is. Maybe this won't make sense to you, but it does to me:-)

I guess this post is for my benefit. I feel I need to document these feelings now for later. It all means something!

California is of utmost importance to me and I don't know why. I've always wanted to go and it took me 33 yrs to finally see it. Since then I've been 3 times and I never want to leave! I can never stay long enough to satisfy me. I cannot stop thinking about going back. When I am there I feel like I belong. I feel like I am home. But I barely touched the surface. There is something waiting for me! I've only been from SD to SB but haven't been able to get to SF. My "Nag" is reminding me continuously with signs everywhere I look.

So while I don't know why, I do know that I will be finding out:-)

Things don't always have to make sense or be logical for them to be right. Lead with your heart and let the love in.

Love and light,

Wendy

Classification: Transpersonal Psychology

The wonder of it all,things happening and pieces falling into place as we "seek and ye shall find". Validation during each step makes this whole thing so gosh darn rewarding that I want to celebrate everything and everyone.

Last night while researching some prospective publishers, I came across a word that I had to look up. Believe me, and I am ashamed to say there are many. But this one caught my attention and I just had to know it's meaning on the spot.

Here is what I found:
Transpersonal psychology is a school of psychology that studies the transpersonal, self-transcendent or spiritual aspects of the human experience.
A short definition from the Journal of Transpersonal Psychology suggests that transpersonal psychology "is concerned with the study of humanity’s highest potential, and with the recognition, understanding, and realization of unitive, spiritual, and transcendent states of consciousness" (Lajoie and Shapiro, 1992:91). Issues considered in transpersonal psychology include spiritual self-development, peak experiences, mystical experiences, systemic trance and other occult experiences of living.
Transpersonal psychology developed from earlier schools of psychology including psychoanalysis, behaviorism, and humanistic psychology. Transpersonal psychology attempts to describe and integrate the experience of mysticism within modern psychological theory. Types of mystical experience examined vary greatly but include religious conversion, altered states of consciousness, trance and other spiritual practices. Although Carl Jung and others explored aspects of the spiritual and transpersonal in their work, Miller (1998: 541-542) notes that Western psychology has had a tendency to ignore the spiritual dimension of the human psyche.

I am on cloud nine.

Love and light,

Wendy