Wendy Lerman Blog

An addendum to the website http://www.wendylerman.com

Monday, November 08, 2010

The Reason

It goes without saying that I will put a great deal of emphasis on my multi-cancer journeys in my book. It is after all just one of the pieces that got me to where I am now. Sure, it defines me, how could it not? But there is so much more and it all began in my childhood.

My mother had just died of Breast Cancer and MS in 1987. What a fighter she was. She basically fought for 19 years from one thing or another. I was 19 when she finally passed. Needless to say it was grueling at times.

I was asked if I wanted to get up and say something at her funeral which of course I did. The night before her funeral I was stressed for many reasons and all I could think about is that I still didn’t know what I was going to say. My mind drew a blank. The room was dark as I lay in bed filled with sadness and anxiety and I came to the conclusion that I would try again in the morning. I then noticed something out of the corner of my eye. It was like a mist of energy entering my room through the closed door. I thought I was crazy at first as I lay there watching it come towards me high above. When it was directly above me, I was made to feel calm and peaceful. Now that I think about it, since I have had so many surgeries I can almost compare it to the feeling you get when the valium is infused through your IV. The misty energy began to swirl above my head while coming closer to me and I felt wonderful. As soon as it reached me it put me to sleep immediately. I wish I knew how long I slept! It wasn’t long, that much I know. I was awakened with a sudden jolt of inspiration! The moment my eyes opened I burst out of bed in need of a pen and paper and I felt an awesome sense of urgency.
The words…I couldn’t write them fast enough as they kept coming and coming…from somewhere. I couldn’t wait to see what I was writing! Finally I was done and I was filled with curiosity and excitement. There before my eyes was a poem, my poem that I was to read the following day at the funeral. Little did I know that these very words were going to bring me here.

Her pain is gone
The love is not

My Heart still aches
My throat is in knots

Mother I love you, I’m sure that you know
That I’ll be thinking about you wherever I go

Understand WHY you left me?
That, I do not
I KNOW there’s a reason!!!
I’ll give it more thought

Rest assured that I’ll find it!!!
It may take a while

So for now, I’ll be brave
I’ll think about you and smile.

There is absolutely no doubt that I was put on this earth to help others. My story is so long and complicated and I know I am not alone. We all have a story. Our stories are filled with our share of struggles, adversity and all that comes with it. It all happens for a reason. My hopes is that by sharing my story and what I have learned from it, (or rather how I have learned from it) will shed some light in your life. I think too many of us continually miss the point, miss the signs and the cycle will continue unless awareness is made. I want to make you aware. I want to teach.

posted by Wendy Lerman @ 10:56 AM 0 Comments