Painful Joy

As I alternate between wiping the tears long enough to see what I’m typing, I am in pain yet filled with such pride-and-joy. I wonder how I got here and where has the time gone? Such mixed emotions I have.

This morning I watched as my son and nephew packed the car for the weekend. A group of seniors are going on their first solo camping trip ever. This will be their first adult venture and I’m sure their time will be spent horsing around like children. In a matter of days my son will be packing for college and life will never be the same for either of us.

Children— I used to have them but now I have one adult and one teenager on the verge of emerging into adolescence and I am so sad, and I am so happy. I am so sad because I don’t know where the time went and I feel like I missed some of it. Did I spend too much time on autopilot just going through the motions? Can’t I just rewind time so I can spend it savoring each age, each milestone?

So

I am so sad when I should be so happy, after all—I’m alive and was afforded this opportunity to be witness to the transformation happening before my eyes. What will become of these beautiful souls? Will they marry? Have children? Save the world? I want nothing more than to see it to fruition.
I understand the empty nest syndrome. Thank you God for allowing me to experience this painful joy~

WL&L
Wendy