Wendy Lerman Blog

An addendum to the website http://www.wendylerman.com

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Clarity.

My mom's Oncologist asked her to speak in front of some Harvard Medical students in 1987,three months before she passed away. When I watched the video last year I learned things about her I never knew. Despite not having the resources (especially the internet) she was on to something huge and she was determined to open the eyes of: the medical community and cancer patients. I know for sure that had she lived longer, she would have discovered the rest of the missing pieces and found a way to prove what she knew for the benefit of mankind. "Coincidentally" my own journey led me to the same conclusions(and then some) fueling the same passion and determination to open some eyes. Discovering all of this about my mom in hindsight completely blows my mind, making it extremely clear what I was put on this earth to do.

Here is one of the excerpts from the video where she so emphatically states:
"As far as I'm concerned, doctor's play a very important part. Cancer is not just a physical illness, it's also emotional and it affects everybody. I'm telling you, anyone undergoing any treatment for cancer needs someone who can treat, not only the physical side, the emotional side too. That's just as important!"


I think it's fitting to include one of my archived blog postings. The Reason.
http://wendylerman.blogspot.com/2010_02_01_archive.html

With love and light,

W.L.L.

posted by Wendy Lerman @ 11:31 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Change is scary and so is trust.


Most of us tend to second guess our decisions (or actions) at one time or another, leaving us to wonder “Am I doing/did I do the right thing?”

So often in life we find ourselves faced with an important decision and a knowing— our choice will also impact those closest to us on some level.  We are aware that by acting on this decision, we will in turn be effecting change, thereby altering our lives— as we know it.  Sometimes a seemingly great opportunity presents itself and the decision comes easy. Other times we might have known for a while that nothing will get any better until we summon up the courage and take a leap. While we try our best to anticipate all the ways it can—or will—impact us, there are factors and variables to consider— making it impossible to know anything for sure.  Change is different and different can be darn right scary! But different is not by default a bad thing, what’s scary is the thoughts and the unknown. The only way to know anything for sure is to give yourself time, adjust, and pay close attention to your feelings each step of the way. In addition to listing the pros and cons, a good rule of thumb is to remember: We tend to allow our minds to overrule what we feel in our heart and know in our gut— based on fear. Fear originates in the mind therefore the feeling is actually a thought, perceived to be truth.  Your gut feelings are derived from the heart can be trusted to always guide and steer you in the right direction.

As  you may or may not know, I drive a school bus for children with special needs. Given the fact that last week was school vacation, I anticipated having time for myself to:  relax, recharge, and focus on my writing. Instead last week was an extremely trying time— for all of us in the Boston area—with the tragic events that took place at the Boston Marathon. I’m sure I speak for most when I say that being flooded with thoughts and feelings—all bad ones, all day & and night, every day, and for many days really took a toll on me. I thought I needed this vacation before but maybe I just wanted it. I am certain that I need one now.

To complicate matters, at the end of vacation week I was informed that an additional bus run was being added to my current one and a (different) larger vehicle would be assigned. I couldn’t even process this much less digest or accept it. Knowing my choices consisted of accepting it or quitting my job, I decided the only fair thing to do was to try it out for a while and see if it fits. While I’m not a fan of having to alter my life around, in so many ways, initiating as a result of someone else’s decision, I do believe there is always something for me to learn from it. All that’s required is a little patience and a lot of awareness. This also applies to any change regardless of from who it initiated.
Change is the law. Impermanence rules. ~Lama Surya Das

I never expected day two of this new bus run would end in an “AHA!” moment.  I’ve been with this transportation company for a while so I’ve driven many vehicles. I’m aware that minor flaws and quirks take a little time getting used to and that soon you no longer even notice them. Considering today was only my second day, I would never dream of complaining because I know better. But today was different. By the end of the afternoon I was scrambling to decipher whether my mind was getting the best of me or if something was really wrong with my vehicle that deemed it unsafe. I tried to pay attention in hopes of offering the mechanic something to go on but in the end all I really had was a gut feeling that I was not safe, therefore neither were the children.  I knew going in that any attempts to reassure me would not work without a most thorough work-up and extensive test drive. I was afraid they would think I’m crazy and more afraid if they found nothing wrong. Suddenly it dawned on me—this feeling is extremely familiar! Only this time I didn’t have to dig far— or at all, I spent my morning writing and while it was on a completely different topic, the experience was very similar and the feeling was the same.

I have a friend who used to tease and call me a hypochondriac and I’ll be the first one to admit, I think way too much and have tendencies to let my overactive imagination get the better of me. At the end of 1999 I started going to my PCP quite a bit. I wasn’t feeling good and something was just—not right. My symptoms were vague and could be explained by a number of things. I could not only tell that my doc was frustrated and becoming annoyed, I also understood and couldn’t blame him—yet I kept coming back. On my last visit with him, I even went as far as to come right out and state that I think I have a tumor growing somewhere inside me. He attempted to reassure me and suggested I seek some counseling. It was a matter of days before I discovered a large lump in my breast. Set up an appointment and upon arriving that day, I was informed that I would be seeing the Nurse Practitioner this time. I think the doc had enough of me. Long story short, lump confirmed , next step testing— but they can’t get me in for six weeks. I get a call from my sister whos friend has a friend that works for a Breast Surgeon in Boston, major hospital. The process was fast. Within days my very aggressive and fast growing cancer diagnosis was handed to me and my journey began.  Not long after I completed my treatments I repeated the whole process of knowing something was wrong (and where) until someone took me serious, performed a biopsy only to discover an extremely rare aggressive and deadly form of cancer. It took many years to reach a diagnosis confirming that I have a Thyroid autoimmune disease despite my persistence that something is off in my thyroid. The bottom line to this is that I would like to think I learned this lesson. I wouldn’t be here today if I betrayed my gut feelings by accepting the reassuring words offered to me. I also believe that we learn lessons and somewhere down the road, when we least expect it, we are tested on it, only somehow in disguise, and the key is to dig up the past and remember the feeling. This is not meant to imply that my learning is done because learning never ends.

 Maybe they won’t find anything wrong with the vehicle. I have no regrets nor do I want, need or seek to prove anyone wrong. Honoring my gut feeling is a lesson learned and all the proof I need. I’m paying it forward, as always, with hopes that someone will benefit in some way.

With Love and Light,
Wendy

posted by Wendy Lerman @ 10:31 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Bridge Over Troubled Waters


One day, some years ago while struggling with something, my sister— one of my biggest supporters who I love dearly— said in reply:  “Wendy, you know you can’t save the world right?” That pissed me off and I felt my anger shoot straight up and through the roof like a reverse bolt of lightning. I told her that I was going to do it even if meant doing it one person at a time.  Challenge accepted! I was determined to prove her wrong but I never imagined that I would first have to fight for my own life —more than once.

 In hindsight it makes sense that I had to learn how to save myself first though I didn’t know that I needed saving at the time.  It took years to realize that I’m not looking to prove anyone wrong. I always felt a gap that I couldn’t explain but yearned to bridge. If only I could build a bridge over these troubled waters.

I didn’t understand as child that I had a high level of empathy giving me the ability to sense, feel, and understand the emotions of those around me. I assumed we were all the same.  Showing compassion came natural with the desire to help, in any way, following suit. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that people were not the same. I began to witness cruelty in elementary school and I’ll never forget that crushing feeling which caused my heart to ache and my mind to wonder. I’ll always remember the conversation I had with a girl I was walking home from school with one day. She said “It isn’t weird that we’re friends? I wonder what people would think if they saw us together?”  When I asked why she answered “Because I’m black and you’re Jewish. People hate   blacks and jews”.  I didn’t have a clue what she was talking about. I couldn’t possibly fathom or wrap my head around such an outrageous notion that people could hate one another without reason and by association.  None of this made any sense! It was during this time that I began to question life. On some level I’ve been on this quest ever since.

As time went on exposing me to more people and experiences, it became clear that there was so much wrong— on so many levels —and that it affected so many people! No matter who—or how— I helped, it was never enough. I felt helpless!   I began to resent the fact that I had some sort of ability to feel and a need to help that couldn’t be turned off or tuned out. I began feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders, which took a toll on me emotionally and left my spirit broken. And while I went on living my life trying to fit in by conforming to society, I never found a way to surrender, accept or reconcile— any of it. Instead I found myself fighting for my life against cancer more than once.

I cringed at the thought of leaving my children motherless because I already experienced this. I knew there had to be a way and my only option was to find it. I reeled at the thought of dying without knowing the answers! My sole to soul mission was to find a way to heal myself so that I could pay it forward in some way. Thank God I was given more than one chance and many years to figure it all out.

Navigating my way was a long, complex and painful process taking many years.  I didn’t know much, yet somehow knew there was something I needed to learn.  After years of searching for answers I stumbled upon something within myself that I didn’t recognize and decided to explore. What I learned is: What seemed so complex was actually very basic. I had been navigating through life using my mind and it formed a big gap (void). Once I began navigating from my heart and soul, a connection was found to bridge the gap. It was so basic and already part of me but it was the one part I knew nothing about—connecting to/from spirit. It’s something that cannot be simply taught with words, thought they help guide us. It isn’t until we find it —and connect— for ourselves, and within ourselves that we ever fully understand. It’s an awakening that resonates in ways you never imagined and a magnitude of love powerful enough to bridge any gap.

Never in a million years could I have guessed that my initial quest— to understand —would lead me here. I’ve been racking my brain trying to remember if I might have experienced something that foreshadowed this. Low and behold, it all began with a spark that ignited the flame occurring from a conversation between two little girls walking home from school one day. On this day I was made to see our differences and how easy it became to forget that basic part of us in where— we are the same.

posted by Wendy Lerman @ 4:08 PM 1 Comments Links to this post

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Food for thought and plenty to share!


There remains so much to learn in life beyond the current academic foundation— which in my opinion, currently exists in desperate need of restructure and currently lacks a few key fundamentals.  I think most of understand that our children are the future and the world has come a long way in evolving technologically as we strive for a brighter future. While I could elaborate on my opinion of every aspect of our current educational system, my focus today is only on what I deem imperative and crucial— food for thought.

Many of us probably had a science teacher demonstrate how energy works using some sort of device where we can visually witness cause and effect. For example, ten students formed a circle. A ball was placed between two of the students who were instructed to place one of their hands on the ball and then to grab hold of the hand of the person next to them. Once it was established that all in the circle were holding hands, the energy circuit was complete and the ball lit up. One person within the circle was then instructed to let go of one their hands to demonstrate a break in the circuit which caused the light to go out. This was a basic yet important lesson in the transmission of energy.

We each have an energy field which surrounds us but can vary greatly in size and strength.  This next demonstration should expand upon the basic and hopefully result in the understanding I so desperately wish to offer:

Again we have ten students and a teacher all standing on one side of the room.  One student (we’ll call her Laura) is then instructed to move to the opposite side of the room. The teacher has an instrument with two prongs that detects energy. The prongs remain close together but will begin to separate upon the detection of energy. The teacher begins taking steps toward Laura with the instrument to establish where her energy field begins and the prongs widen once she is five feet away from Laura.  The teacher then returns back to the other side of the room where she instructs all the students to simply think something bad about Laura. The teacher then repeats the experiment to detect Laura’s energy only this time the prongs don’t detect/widen from five feet away, in fact it isn’t until she is barely one foot away that the energy is detected. The class is stunned! How can Laura’s energy field be reduced by negative thoughts directed at her? Laura’s energy field was decreased significantly because the negative thoughts/energy outweighed the positive.  So the teacher repeats this once again only the class is instructed to think something good about Laura. This time her energy field is detected from ten feet away! In order to restore her energy, the negative thoughts would have to cease.  Laura’s energy field was not only restored once the class directed positive thought, but it grew significantly once the good outweighed the bad.

To think that we are all unconsciously affected by what is around us! It's a key! We all have the ability to affect not only ourselves, but also others by what we project with our thoughts alone. Now imagine millions of angry people who want nothing more than peace in this world. How in the world can we ever expect that to manifest?!

 But there’s so much more!

We emit a field of energy that surrounds us. The size and strength of that energy field depends on our well- being as a whole, comprised of the collective condition of our body, mind and spirit. To achieve, maintain or restore a state of balance and well-being, all must be cared for, properly nourished and maintained. Most of us know the obvious— food and water keep the body going and that proper nourishment depends on what kinds of foods we choose to consume. The same is true as far as sleep and exercise are concerned.  From an individual standpoint, think about what results can manifest in your body by what you fuel it with (what foods, thoughts and activities) and how your own negativity can affect yourself—your energy— and those around you. If your energy field is small as the result of negative thoughts/feelings, illness/disease…it will no doubt in some way have an impact on those around you.

 While I could really expand upon the different ways to fuel and nourish the body, mind and spirit, I’m just going to touch upon the spirit because it relates directly to everything and everyone— both individually and collectively. This is the key most important, most neglected, overlooked and forgotten element which happens to be the core foundation within all of us. How can we expect to continue building upon an unstable and broken foundation?

 Body, mind and spirit—we all come from the same energy source/core foundation.  Our spirit (foundation) requires maintenance and nourishment too! There are many ways to do it and we all have access to tap/tune into the source to nourish and maintain our spirit yet we fail to understand that this is crucial to our foundation. Not only that but— this where all the answers are found! If you’ve ever wondered why the world is the way it is and where we went wrong, I’m telling you—it’s because we are out of tune and so far disconnected from the very source that put us here.

 If each of us would focus our shift by taking the necessary steps in caring for ourselves as a whole first, we would be restoring our individual foundation resulting with the expansion of our own individual energy field.  My mission is to find a way to shed light on the fact that we cannot repair our universal foundation to effect the healing of the current state of our world until we first— do it within ourselves! Doing this is the only way to grow the energy to the point where the good outweighs the bad. Once this happens, the bad can no longer exist.

We were all given free will to exist however we choose but I, along with many others, feel (know) it came with the intention or expectation that we would remain in touch with— and utilize– our source. It’s time to awaken and remember because our world depends on it.

 While we know that it’s impossible to get everyone on board, remember— it only takes a percentage of positive to overcome the negative.

I’ve prepared this food for thought with the same secret ingredient I use in every recipe. We all know what that is. I ask that you at least take a taste, let it digest and share it with everyone you know. There is plenty to go around.

With love and light,
W.L.L.

posted by Wendy Lerman @ 9:43 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Mother Mary Comes to Me? Speaking words of wisdom...


I realize this may seem really out there, even for me, which makes it extremely uncomfortable yet I cannot shake this compelling force urging me to share this and asking each of you to do the same. So please, whether you believe or not, just trust this will be of help to someone and click your <3 b="" button.="" share="">

I don’t consider myself a religious person yet I believe various things that are contained in certain religious teachings.
 
The day before the attack on Boston I had a profound experience leading me to think about Mother Mary which then led me to take a picture of the sky. The moment I looked at the picture a wave of tingles spread throughout my body. Now I feel the need to talk about Mother Mary despite the fact that I know very little about her. I was not taught to include her in my life so hypothetically, if she really appeared to me, then I feel responsibility to find and pass on the core message.

The Blessed Virgin Mary appeared to this world to give us a warning. She comes to relieve the suffering. The mother of love, the mother of all, she wants us to love and to be safe. Open your hearts, show humility and love for yourself, your neighbor-for everyone. She’s inviting the entire world to prayer, urging us to include the source in our lives (God, creator, source, spirit) because it resides within the core of each and every one of us yet many fail to find a way to discover this— or they forget.  Whichever name you call your source, understand that to turn to it for help, guidance or comfort, you must find the way to tune into your core for this is what connects you— From core To core.

  We spend most of lives discovering and paying attention to that which surrounds us, neglecting what is within and what we assume to be true when THE most important truth is the foundation from which we all exist, the core. Our world cannot complete this shift of collective renewal and restoration until we shift our focus from outward to inward.

Blessed are the ones who BE.

posted by Wendy Lerman @ 11:32 AM 0 Comments Links to this post